With a drawn-out war like Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF), many good people die. Many of these Soldiers are parents. This leaves children without a parent. It continues to be a growing issue during times of war.
In the article “When War Takes a Parent,” the stories of many good people are described. They made a great sacrifice, first by leaving their homes and loved ones, then by paying the ultimate price in defense of those people.
To me this is an important issue as it leads to an increase in other family issues.
Well, I’m not dead… but death has been an issue… The issue i want to cover from this chapter is neglect.
In my line of work, one type of neglect that is almost common place is that of an absent parent. Military families experience this regularly. Be it deployments, field problems, or just long hours in the office.
This is the cause of many divorces and in some cases, family violence. I have seen this first hand. What is forgotten is that the children suffer. In my experience, trying to explain to a child why you can’t be there for their birthday or Christmas is an almost impossible task. They may understand the words, but in the end, the look and sound of despair is heart-wrenching.
Being apart from my daughter tears me up inside, but my training leaves me appearing not to care or to be cold and heartless.
Web Link:
Although this article focuses on the absent dad, in the military, this can easily be the mom or both parents. I have gone through many of these things with my daughter and her mother. Being military isn’t an excuse, it’s a sacrifice; and our children suffer. The key to making all of this work… I don’t know… I haven’t found it yet!
“How do you deal with an absent parent?” by Dr. Leah
This song makes me want to cry when I hear it. I can hear my daughter in that little girl. Though the circumstances are different, the emotion is the same.
Photo:
I decided to use these photos because they represent the look a child has when there parent is not home; the feeling of abandonment and neglect.
Scholarly journal:
This site lists many statistice about the ups and downs of having an absent parent. Some of the statistics are shocking, but others are not at all.
Being a Stepdad was a difficult thing to grasp. I was 30 when I first got married, I didn’t have much experience with children, and I was military.
There wasn’t just one child involved, there were three. The first of many questions asked, was “where are we all going to live?” Everything was fine, but after a while, things changed. Being military, my life was and is very different from the ideal nuclear family.
In looking for articles on being a Stepdad, I found that I was in an area that is a growing topic. Most articles focused on being a “Stepmother.” Well, I’m not one of those.
This article touched on the subject of being a Stepdad. Something I noticed in the article was that of the conflicts within the new family unit. It focused more on the “Tests” the stepchild would pose to the new stepdad. In my case, the “tests” came more from my spouse as opposed to the children.
The best example of step-parenting I know of comes from the old TV series “The Brady Bunch.” The series covers many of the problems involved within a stepfamily, from all angles. The themes in the series still hold true today, even though many of the happy-go-lucky antics are only made for television entertainment.
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I am looking to eventually remarry. There is a chance that I will marry someone that has a child. Then the question of whether or not to have a child within the marriage comes into play. How would that affect the children already their? Would they feel abandoned by one parent or both? Would the family be strong enough to work through the challenges as they present themselves?
Scholarly journal:
In this recent article, “blended families” within America are far more common than they were back when the “Brady Bunch” TV series aired. (Sue Mayo, 2011) “When divorcing under the age of 45, 80 percent of divorced men and 75 percent of divorced women remarry within three to four years.” (Sue Mayo, 2011) This is where I fit in. I’m under 45, and looking at remarrying within three years of my divorce.
“The reality of blended families” Therapy Matters By Sue Mayo, MFT & Helen Muscolo MFT
To me, this poem is the way I see the evolution of a stepfamily; the tests, the anger, and then the understanding. I have experienced this with my own daughter. I have stepped into her life at age six, so it was as if I was the same as a stepdad.
I find it difficult to talk about myself. There is so much to say and no words for any of it. I have deployed to both Iraq and Afghanistan, traveled to several countries, and lived much of the topics discussed in my BEHS 343 textbook.
My first marriage ended several years ago. In that, I was able to experience life with three stepchildren. Mid-way through the marriage, I discovered I had a daughter. She was six at the time, three years older than my marriage.
So, now, I am in the process of discovering a daughter I never knew. She has become a star in my darkened sky. We have faced many challenges after the discovery. Every day, there is a new challenge I face in having a child. I get to see her about once a year and she calls when she wants to talk.
I took this parenting class to try to learn a little more about raising a child. Some of my questions were answered, but as the saying goes, each answer leads to a new question.
Lost Memories by Logan Reed
Why do you fear,
when the path to take is so clear.
I can’t remember what it’s like to feel,
losing touch of what is real.
What is this place,
I ask as the tears run down my face,
I can’t remember what to do,
I can’t even remember you.
My mind a blank,
just lost in the ranks.
Stuck in the past,
my life, fading fast.
Fading, wasting, dissipating,
going away,
sun rising on another pointless day,
I wish for the old ways.
Lost memories,
never to be remembered,
gone, gone forever more.
–Logan Reed
This, for me, is a metaphor for my life. I lost my memories, and in turn lost all the memories I would have had with my daughter. It makes me see that I needn’t dwell on the past because those memories are gone; yet, focusing on the future will build new, exciting memories. The poem has a dark and dismal feel to it. I see this as the sadness and confusion my daughter and I felt in discovering the truth about her lineage, and all the trials we shared getting to today.
CIBJasonSenakBEHS343 